also known as The Early Days of Breastfeeding
Holy shit. Where do I start? I just figured that I would have the baby, and of course, I’d breastfeed. It was easy, natural and free! And you have all that cozy bonding time plus all the fucking antibodies that the baby would need. If I even briefly considered not breastfeeding, the thought was literally blown away by the swift hacking coughs of all my covid patients. I wanted this little gremlin to get all those antibodies that Pfizer primed me with. Plus, if she got some 5G coverage for the family, BONUS! So, my pre-delivery plan regarding breastfeeding was: Yes. And that’s where it started and ended.
Pre-delivery, I got an amazing breastfeeding care package from one of my medical school friends with a note that said, “Breastfeeding was really hard. I hope it’s easy for you, but just in case it’s not, here are some supplies to help.” I had no inkling that breastfeeding wasn’t easy or natural until this note. And even then, I thanked her for the thoughtful gift and just assumed it would still be easy and natural for me. I had no idea that I’d hold on to this message for dear life when things got rough.
Fast-forward to delivery. They placed my gorgeous slimy baby girl on my chest and that little munchkin went straight for the tit. She knew where to get the goods from, but that was about it.
Then there was all this business about a “good latch” (What the fuck does that mean?) and advice from the postpartum nurses and lactation consultants like, “It shouldn’t hurt if the baby has a good latch.” (Spoiler: it still hurts at first) And, “Don’t suffer through a bad latch.” (Again, what the fuck is a bad latch???) They use all these damn code words and the nurses watch you nursing your baby and exclaim, “That looks great! That’s a good latch!”
Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “Wait, isn’t it supposed to NOT hurt if it’s a good latch? This still fucking hurts.”
And then all the nurses tell you about timing.
“Your baby should eat about 10-15 minutes on each side.”
Ok, I’m really good at following directions. My baby was not. Baby Girl just wanted to nurse for about 3-4 minutes and then fall asleep with the boob in her mouth. As a noob, I kept trying to get her to suckle for the full 10 minutes, and there wasn’t enough cold air, cold hands, feet tickling, cheek stimulation or jaw tickling I could go to get her to keep nursing. But……I figured out that if I tried to pull her off, then she would immediately fear losing the sweet comfort of that boob in her mouth and voraciously start to suck again. I thought, “I win! I got her to eat more!” while simultaneously thinking, “So when does it stop hurting? Is this a good latch? Why does a good latch feel the same as a bad latch? Also, what is a bad latch again?”
Pro-tip: DO NOT do as I did. DO NOT pull the baby off the nip. Stick your finger in her mouth first to break that seal and protect your nip
What I was actually doing was pulling her partially off my breast so that she just had the nipple in her mouth, and then she would just suck/chew on the nipple tip. This just caused a ton of pain and damage to my nipple, but I didn’t know any better and I was panicked about not starving my freshly birthed helpless little baby!
Remember, the pull-out method never works, and this applies to breastfeeding too.
For the baby, deep throat is the way to go. This is what a “good latch” means. They should just say “deep throat the boob.” It would be way more clear. There is all kinds of advice about squishing your boob into a flat shape to help it fit inside the baby’s mouth, but this is all designed to get that boob all the way in their mouth….aka deep throat. Good Latch is code for Deep Throat with a good seal (so that there’s no air sucking in at the same time and you can’t hear a clicking sound of any air breaking that seal).
On Demand
Postpartum nurse: “You should feed your baby every three hours.”
Feeding every three hours or “on demand.” You know who doesn’t know what “demand” looks like? A sleep deprived, physically exhausted, hormonally-high first time mom and their first-time birth partner. I learned all these baby soothing tricks and was super eager to apply them. I used the in the ER and on my friends’ babies and they worked great! And now I get to baby whisper my own baby! So exciting! Wrong. Do not use these tricks in the hospital (or do so at a super last resort). I’m talking about all those 5-s’s that you learned from Harvey Karp and Cara from Taking Cara Babies. The only soothing trick you should use in the hospital (if you’re planning on breastfeeding) is your breast. Baby crying? Put it on your breast. Baby fussing? Put it on your breast. Has it been three hours since she nursed last? Put her on your breast. Baby seems awake and moves her head slightly toward you? Put her on your breast. Do your nipples feel good because there isn’t a newborn attached? Fix that shit now. Put that baby back on the breast.
Every baby drops some weight in the beginning, but the more you put the baby on your boob, the faster your pituitary gland gets the message and recognizes that you need some more prolactin because it’s milk making time now! That baby needs that milkshake ready NOW! And (hopefully) your milk will come in faster, and your pediatrician won’t panic because your baby is still losing weight and make you Triple Feed. Triple feeding is: breastfeeding then pumping then feeding what you just pumped with a bottle. And do this every three hours for the next two months. Do you know how long all that takes? 90-120 minutes. That means you get one out of every three hours to eat, shower, sleep, or poop. All. Day. (and night). Long.
I get anxious and I can feel my heart rate rising even as I type this.
So, put your baby on your boob as much as possible while you’re in the hospital. Maybe your milk will even come in while you’re in the hospital and the lactation consultant will have something to work with!
Maybe it will be rainbows and milk-drunk kittens for you. I really hope it is.
My version is that I only fed every three hours (Because that’s what they told me to do and I follow directions well. I also didn’t know what “demand” looked like for our baby.). Our baby cried a lot (because she was fucking hungry and we didn’t get it…). Turns out babies also stick out their tongue when they’re hungry. We learned most this on day 4-5 of life so we were a bit behind by then and she had dropped a decent amount of weight. We were put on a catch-up plan to then address this and it was miserable. She’s healthy now and has such prolific rolls that I’m not sure she even has ankles, so all’s well that ends well. If I can spare you having to feed/pump/feed, that’s a huge win.
5 Practical Tips & Products for New Dementor Feeders
- Nipple cream: lanolin or earth mother. Both work well. Apply to the nips anytime the baby isn’t on them until you stop needing it (I used it for the first few months).
- Medela nipple shells (These keep the nipples from touching anything. Just keep them really clean because they’re a good spot for thrush to grow. They’re different from shields. Get the shells).
- All Purpose Nipple Ointment (APNO). The last resort when your nips hurt so bad you can’t go on. There’s a steroid, antibiotic and antifungal in here, so it will cure what ails you. But it’s a compounded medication so you’ll need to get your OB doc to write you a prescription for it while you’re in the hospital so they can make it for you there.
- Get a breast pump before you give birth and bring it with you to the hospital. You can get sized and get a tutorial from the nurses or lactation consultants there on how to use it.
- Bring a nursing bra or nursing tank to the hospital. Also get a pumping bra to bring to the hospital. Hopefully you won’t need it, but it’s way better than holding your pumps on the whole time.
The New Boob Wardrobe
Recommendations for your new twins
- Rose 2.0 bra from the Dairy Fairy. Not too expensive, nice fabric, easy to use. My nipple doesn’t get caught in the opening. 10/10 would pump in again.
- Latched Mama T-shirts. Easy to nurse and pump in. Good coverage. Long and loose without looking like a tent. 11/10 will probably even wear when I am no longer breastfeeding
- Larken nursing top. Loose enough to be super comfy and able to hold the pumps. Probably not great for super large boobs, but I don’t have a lot of insight here. 9/10 for comfort but no support. Also the pumps are slightly cock-eyed when used for pump. Still great and the BEST for sleeping/early days.
- FYI, I didn’t like the popular Kindred Braverly ones. They felt too tight on my newly massive tits and my nipple would always poke through the pumping hole. Uncomfortable.
Disclosures: None. I don’t get any kickbacks from the products I talk about.
Letters to Anna 